Reality Check

I had a completely different agenda for today’s post but then this happened, click here. This is a very real description of one woman’s personal experience with discovering a little something abnormal. I could copy, word for word, her recount because its beautifully written and describes, almost to a t, my own experience, but that is called plagiarism. So I will tell you my own experience.

I’ll start with the good news , my “lump” has been diagnosed as benign, but that’s the end of the story. Now, I’ll start at the beginning.

In October, just before my 25^th birthday, I was feeling my lady bits because they were damn sore when I noticed something different. I told my boyfriend first, looking more for a confirmation of “Oh yea, I feel that all the time, it’s been there” vs. it being something that just developed. I didn’t receive the response I wanted. I told my mom a couple of days later when it hadn’t “disappeared”, as I had wished. I approached the subject very nonchalantly, “Yo ma, I was feeling my boobs the other day and I noticed this, what do you think it is?” She, being a mother, naturally was concerned. I, on the other hand, choose to ignore it. Out of sight, out of mind. Thank goodness for a mother’s persistence because she would not let the damn subject go.

“Have a made a doctor’s appointment yet?”

I made up every excuse under the sun.

“No, I’ll do it when we get back from the cruise.”

“No, I don’t have the money for the doctor’s bill.”

“No, it’s nothing, now will you stop asking.”

The answer was always no. I can say now, it was because I was scared. My boyfriend finally started on the pestering train, so I finally made the appointment, 3 months after my first detection.

I approached my doctor the same way as I approached my mom. I went in for a routine check-up, making sure this well oiled machine was still functioning normally when I pounced.

“Yea doc, I was feeling around the old dirty pillows and I noticed this.”

Well, the initial result was she ended up finding 3 more “abnormalities.” Awesome. I was then explained that I would need to go for an ultrasound because young women’s breasts are denser and harder to read through a normal mammogram.  That’s when worst case scenario Diane began doing what she does so well. I cried, I got mad, I become nostalgic, and I was a mess. How could I have been so stupid and childish to have waited this long? Maybe, if I had gone sooner she wouldn’t have found so much cancer, because at this point I had convinced myself it was cancer.

Ultrasound day approached, I brought mommy for moral support. I’ve read a few authors who sometimes describe a situation as having the air being sucked out of the room, well let me tell you, I now know what that feeling is. The tech squirted gel on my lady part, began looking, and said, “let me go get the radiologist.” All I can remember thinking is “Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry”,which is really hard for me. She came back with the radiologist and began speaking jibberish, or what sounded like it.

“Yea, good, okay add some color. Rotate dizzledattle. Yea that’s good. Okay now ziggle zaggle hindersation to minderstation. Great.”

I would not be exaggerating if I said I stopped breathing the entire time. I turned to the tech after the exam and said “I read on the web”, which I’m sure they looove to hear, “that I could ask for a preliminary report.” She acknowledged this and asked the radiologist to provide me one. I walked back out to the waiting room of doom, told my mommy everything and waited. Then the magically piece of paper that would change my life, one way or the other, was provided.

‘No significant findings discovered.’

I still didn’t believe what I was reading because I’m a pessimist. I received my official diagnoses in the mail a couple of weeks later. The word that every woman wishes to see was printed so clear that even my pessimistic mind could comprehend, benign.

I chose to share this storybecause, just like the other blogger writes, it is so important to take care of ourselves. Please check yourselves and if you notice something, don’t write it off as a fluke, or something that it’s not serious. There is no excuse when it comes to your health, take the steps to make sure you are well. This was the story of a childish girl who was fortunate. I was sparred, which is a blessing. As the other blogger wrote so perfectly, do as I say, not as I do.

Cheers to boobs

D

PS:  I mean no offense to anyone who has this disease or knows someone who has this disease. Humor is my escapism. Please know I completely hold you and others in the highest regard. For every woman out there fighting this battle, you have unbelievable strength, and courage. May we one day soon live in a world without this devastating disease.

TV Junkie

Being an extremely lazy person I watch extreme amounts of television. My first love is music, I could never live without it but TV would probably be next. Although I really think I could live without it if I had to. For the time being though, it helps make the days go by faster. I find that people who actually, I don’t know, have important jobs, obligations, aren’t lazy, or have a life are missing out on a lot of good TV.  So today I’m going to help those less fortunate human beings, who are productive in society, by listing the shows I watch, watched or plan on watching. You can thank me later.

New Girl

If you choose nothing else to watch, please make it this show! It is one of the most hilariously written shows that I believe has ever been created.  I think part of what makes it great, is its real. There are no special effects, aliens, or gun battles. It’s just people being people, with some of the most brilliantly written dialogue I’ve ever heard.  If you don’t laugh at least once, check your pulse.

Once Upon A Time

This is my dorky guilty pleasure. The premise of this show is an evil queen has sent all our childhood storybook characters into real life. They are forced to live life without their happy endings. It’s a little cheesy at parts but I enjoy seeing the new characters introduced every week.

Smash

AMAZING! There were previews for about a month before this show actually aired. I had already proclaimed I wouldn’t be watching this show. I personally thought it was an attempt by Katharine McPhee (former American Idol contestant) to show that she should’ve won American Idol. Boy, was I wrong! Please forgive me Katharine! This show is WOW. I’m a theatre girl, I love song and dance. If you do too, you will not be disappointed.  Her performance is knockout, not to mention the other contributors who make this show awesome.

Awake

Another guilty pleasure. It’s not brilliant or mind-blowing but it is entertaining. It’s a cop show with a twist. The main character was in an accident. He was left believing he is living two separate lives, one where his son survived and the other where his wife survived. We follow in his journey to decide which is reality and which is not.

Touch

Literally just premiered last week and looks interesting. I watched the premiere episode last night and was intrigued. Again, I had my reservations towards this show. I didn’t think Kiefer Sutherland should be on another time orientated show, on Fox, none the less. He doesn’t have his Jack Bauer presence with him so it turned out okay. I like the idea behind the show more so.  If you’re a believer in predetermined destiny then you’ll like this show.

Revenge

Where do I even begin, this show is in the top fav’s. It is set in the Hampton’s, you can never go wrong with rich beautiful people.  It’s about one girls story to avenge her father, who was wrongfully accused of mass murder. It’s so addictive it’s ridiculous. I don’t think the creators planned on this being such a success, because the “new episode” scheduling is all out of whack. I think it’s been 3 weeks since the last new episode. Side note: if you are going to try to start watching this show, please start from the beginning. You have to see every scrupulous detail that goes into plotting the take down of some of the Hampton’s most rich and famous.

Alcatraz

I got to visit Alcatraz as a teen and it was one of the coolest experiences ever. So when I saw the previews for this show I thought “Wts, how are they going to bring Alcatraz back to life?” Well they did, literally. The basis for this show is inmates are returning to present day America and a special team is created to round them up. It’s not great but it’s good to turn on when you have nothing else to do.

The Walking Dead

I will admit, I am a bandwagon fan.  I started watching this show when it first aired last year. I stopped after the 2^nd episode.  I guess I tried to have a life for a little while. The hype on Facebook for the shows return had me intrigued to see what I had missed out on. It was good and I’m glad I got to give this show another chance. If you like zombie and apocalyptic type shows, this is for you. If you hate zombies and dooms day theories, stay away. This is not a happy-go-lucky show.

 

Rated R Section (Keep children out)

Spartacus

Oh Spartacus.  If you can get past the porn, and BLOOD, props to the special effects team for making me almost lose my dinner several times, then this is a GREAT show! Ha-Ha! Seriously though, its sculpted men in loin cloths, need I say more? Okay seriously now, I found season 1 on on-demand and fell in love. Then I had my heart broken, the actor who played Spartacus originally, Andy Whitfield, passed away from non-Hodgkin lymphoma. ::tears:: My love affair was short-lived and I had some hostility towards the replacement, Liam McIntyre, but I have grown to love him too. This show is another adaptation of the story of Spartacus the Gladiator. Its drama filled, action packed, and it’s one of my favorite shows. Don’t judge me. P.S. BF when you read this know that you are the only Spartacus for me ❤

Mad Men

I have yet to dive into this season but I am a major fan. It’s the dirty side of Leave It To Beaver, what’s not to love? There’s never a dull moment about this advertising firm and everything that encompasses the lives of these individuals in the 1960’s. Drinking all day, sex in the offices, smoking everywhere, all included for free.

True Blood

Vampires, Vampires, Vampires. A grown up version to the Twilight Saga and it is grown up. It’s another HBO success. Placed in present day rural Louisiana, humans are made to coexist with vampires. You can already see the conflict there. Its rich with human vampire conflict and offers the occasional laugh factor. Lafayette is a personal favorite, as well as Sookie, said in Bill’s voice.

Game of Thrones

AHHHHHHHHHHH! Words cannot describe how excited I am for season two of this show! I stumbled upon season 1 and never looked back.  I don’t even think I can accurately sum this one up but I’ll try. This is the classic story of Kings and Queens, and all the drama that coincides. It is set in its own realm, so there’s no real defining time period, but its ancient.  I loved this show so much that I actually purchased the books the series is based on. Do yourself a favor and get lost in this show.

 

Understand these are my opinions and you are entitled to your own but I would never steer you wrong. I watch on all these shows on on-demand, thanks to having Comcast and my parents, who front the bill. I’m sure there are plenty of shows I love that I’ve forgotten but these are the ones fresh in my memory.  Clearly I don’t watch enough TV and I need another show like I need a hole in the head.

 

I’m working a getting a life

 

D

Well This is Awkward

I didn’t win the mega millions. Although, all hope isn’t lost, no one won. The jackpot has soared up to $426 million. What do you even do with that amount of money?!? I have no doubt Id be able to blow right through that. Then I’d be one of these stories on A&E about hero to zero, ‘Girl Blows through Multimillion Dollar Winnings in 48 hours’.

I thought for sure this was it! I’ve bought tickets in the past and never felt as confident as I did yesterday. I had my interview speech memorized and my first purchases lined up. The salesman at the boat store, where I put my yacht on layaway, is going to be very disappointed when I tell him I didn’t win. Not to mention, the realtor who had the paper work written up for my own private island. Today is going to be a day of dream crushing, my bad to all those people I lead on. I really thought I had found the golden ticket. Damn you randomized numbers. I guess they weren’t lying when they say chances are 1 in 175,000,000.

 

If anyone wins who reads this, I’m expecting at least 5% of your winnings. Thank you in advance.

 

D

P.S. I did win $3. That was exciting.

Boasting

I got gutsy last week and asked for a raise. I wasn’t declined, but I wasn’t approved, either. I was sent on an almost impossible task, proving I’m worthy of a raise. Everyone who reads this blog should know I generally write during work hours, strike one. Everyone who knows me personally knows I tend to take off of work a lot, strike two. Now I’m in the batter’s box, staring down the pitcher, and it’s do or die. Well, okay, maybe it’s not that dramatic, but it is crunch time. I’ve been at this company for 2, almost 3 years, and I’ve only had one review. My one and only was after I had been here for 3 months. They were impressed then and excited about what I could offer in the future.  Well the future is here and I’ve never had another review, which is supposed to be done annually.  How do I express I’m worthy of raise without making it sound like I should be getting a raise for having to work? “Uh, well you guys make me work sometimes, so I’m totally over qualified, and I’m not being paid enough to use my brain this often.”

Here’s another problem, I work in an industry that does not have a strenuous work environment. There’s a steady work flow but it’s never overly demanding. Well now I can scratch off the argument of, “I’m so stressed you’re guys are making me go grey so pay me more to cover them up.”  The truth of the matter is I have an extremely easy job that most people would kill for. That’s not to say I’m not a hard worker or dedicated, but now I’m left with the assignment of praising myself for working, which seems ridiculous. If I were my boss, I would’ve laughed in my face, but I was crying so I probably wouldn’t have laughed in my face.  True story, I cried when asking for raise. Who does that? Anyways, in the meantime I stare at a blank document waiting for someone else to write all the ways I’ve expanded the roles of my position. How do I make myself sound important without sounding like every other person in America, “I’m overworked and underpaid damn it!” If only that were the truth I might have an easier time with this undertaking.

 

"Please, sir, I want some more."

 

If anyone I work with has found this post,, I was totally joking about all of the above, I don’t write this at work.

 

D

Fantasy Days

I often find myself fantasizing about another life, which is probably why I have such a hard time with reality. Today is the perfect day for this, the weather is crummy and I have absolutely no work. So I sit and ponder, usually it starts small and ends up with me looking for apartments in Maui. All the what if’s of my life come creeping back and its fun, until it’s not.  I think about all the times when I was faced with a really large decision, what if I had chosen the other option? I’m not talking about what I ate for lunch but the major game changers. What if you could do it all over again and choose the other option? Deciding whether or not to go to college, choosing the less secure of two jobs, moving somewhere you’ve always wanted but were afraid, marrying or not marrying the person no one approved of. Would it change the end result? I guess it would all have to stem from your beliefs, whether you believed in destiny or fate. I’m pretty sure there have been a handful of Hollywood movies that have beaten this horse dead but I still find it interesting. This isnt regret for me, because as I’ve said before, I try to live my life with no regrets. This is more of a game. Imagine this were a sci-fi movie where you got to see the you, you would have been if you had chosen the other option. I would be that girl totally in shock that my “other life” wasn’t fabulous. My fantasy life always has me happy and living the dream. I guess that’s why it’s a fantasy, but I think your mind can’t help sometimes but wonder, what if?

That was a lot for a Monday, I apologize.

D

It’s Friday?

I seriously lost track of time this week. I guess that’s what happens when your work week starts on a Wednesday. I mean I’m not mad about it, I’m just a little caught off guard. Normally I’m all revved up on “its Friday” juice and able to fire off a post no problem. I’m staring at my fingers on the keyboard waiting for them to work their magic and yea, nothing is happening. Sip my tea, still nothing. Okay brain it looks like it’s just you and well, you. This isn’t going to be pretty.

Yesterday, I FINALLY received my tax return. ::happy dance:: I paid off 3 of my credit cards, you read that right, T-H-R-E-E. I guess I actually am making progress. The thing about debt recovery is its slow-moving. Unlike debt building, that can be done in a matter of hours. It’s easy to be discouraged and want to go back to your old ways but don’t. I’ll tell you what has seriously helped me more than I thought it would, my charts. When you see the progress, or the regression, it keeps you motivated. Sad to say, one of my card totals has gone up since I last posted due to interest rates and protector fees. The f#*$ is a protector fee?!  HOLY SHIT BALLS Y’ALL!! Sorry for the caps but I mean you would not believe what just happened.

Okay, so after I typed the words “The f#*$ is a protector fee?! “, I actually googled what the shit this thing is. Here’s my mentality, “I’ve had this account protector fee for as long as I can remember, and thought it was because I was in debt, so I never questioned it.”  Yea, no, after googling, this is an optional program! So I call….

Me(all like wtf): I don’t remember enrolling in this shit.

Nice Lady: Well, unfortunately, I show when you signed up for the card in 2007 you also were enrolled in this program.

Me(still all like wtf): Awesome but ummm all that money I paid you f#^$s I will be getting back, right?

Nice Lady: No, I’m sorry to say but I can only reimburse you for the previous 3 months.

Me(-_-): Yea but I’ve been paying for this for 5 years now. I called to get my interest rate lowered about 7 months ago and the guy never mentioned that this program was optional.

Nice Lady: Oh, well that sucks.

Me: Tell me about it! So now what?

Nice Lady:  Well like I said, we don’t care that you’ve paid us all this money and never used this program. We took advantage of a youth who didn’t know what she was signing up for and won, but in return, we will give back $255 and cancel the ongoing enrollment.

Me: Well that’s great! Seriously, thank you so much. I’m so excited about being robbed blindly. Have a nice weekend.

Nice Lady: Oh you too and anytime you want your money to go to waste give us a call back.

Okay so maybe the phone call didn’t happen exactly like that. The woman was extremely nice and I’m never rude or swear to anyone on the phone. I worked in a debt collection center and it changed my whole outlook on how to speak to a customer service rep.

So, I was excited about receiving some money back but then I did the dumb thing. I calculated just exactly how much money I had actually given to this “program”.  Anyone good at math?  $85/mo x 60/mo =????.  Five f#@*ing thousand dollars!!! I’m in complete awe. I feel so foolish, naive once again and used. Please PLEASE please check to see if you have this program on your credit card. I completely understand the idea behind it and it’s probably saved a lot of people from debt collection but I mean……. Just check your card.

Woah, I just got all revved up on “Ive been being robbed for 5 years” juice

D

Let’s Be Productive

Here’s a list of everything I wish I was doing, obviously, not all at once because I’m not wonder women.

• Swimming in the ocean
• Laying in the sun
• Eating lunch on a yacht
• Winning the lotto
• Hearing a lion’s roar in the wild
• Surfing, because in this is imaginary land Id be good at it
• Scuba Diving the Great Barrier Reef
• Going to the airport, for some reason airports are exciting to me
• Sleeping under the stars
• Sipping on fruity drinks
• Discovering waterfalls
• Taking pictures
• Riding a camel
• Spying on a whale shark
• Trekking through the rainforest
• Bungee Jumping
• Parasailing
• Holding a koala
• Going on a safari
• Watching a sunset
• Kayaking on crystal clear waters
• White water rafting
• Jet Skiing
• Watching a grizzly bear catch a fish
• Meditating with the Buddhist
• Bicycling the coast, any coast I’m not picky
• Wash an elephant, oh wait, done and done 😉

Proof I did in fact wash an elephant

Here’s a list of what I’m doing, obviously, all at once because I’m multi talented

• Blogging
• Drinking water

Well as long as that wasn’t depressing

D

Epic Fail

So where do I even begin, with the fact that I failed miserably at my attempt to be a grown adult? Nah, how about with the fact that it’s Wednesday and I’m still hung over? Nah, we’ll just go with the fact that my arms are sticking to my desk and its making me really uncomfortable.  Yeah, I like that idea better. It deludes everyone from the real issue here, which is I partied like the world was ending. Well, it might still be, but it didn’t end on Monday as expected. Now, it wasn’t all bad. I had an awesome time with my good friends, went to some really cool bars, and didn’t spend as much money as I normally would have. Good thing sober me is a lot smarter than drunk me because I asked my wonderful friend if she could watch me and my spending. I put up some pretty good fights and she stopped me, helluva of a job Kaffy. Thank you, really, because that’s no easy feat.  In all fairness, all of my friends helped out a shit ton, and it did not go unnoticed! Thank you to my 3 partners in crimes, you gals are pretty g.   All in all, over 48 hours of drinking, 5 bars, 1 twice, I think I just threw up a little, I spent $90. In my defense, I was on another level and should’ve been sedated. In my other defense, that is pretty damn good considering I’ve been known to spend that much at one bar. I understand none of that takes away from the fact that I spent $90 I did not have. It’ll bite me in the ass come the next progress puppy but it could’ve been much MUCH worse.

I still can’t brain, and this post took about 9 hours to proof read to make sure it was semi coherent.  Which, if were being honest, is actually my sticky arms fault and has nothing to do with the fact that I killed half of my brain cells this weekend. Well done self.

There were a lot of facts up there. I hope everyone is ready for the follow-up exam to make sure y’all were paying attention because I wasn’t.

D

St. Patrick’s Day

Okay here are the facts. Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day. In the past I’ve been known to go a lotta bit overboard with this holiday. I spend way too much on everything, my outfit, my accessories, and drinking.  As with all things, this holiday was much easier when we were younger. You’d buy your pint, split it between your friends, and sneak it down to the parade in your Gatorade bottles. Now, since we’re all mature adults, that’s all changed. We must put our awesome show of Irish pride on display for all to see. Well, at least for the people who happen to be in the bar when you decide to come waltzing in. Correct me if I’m wrong, but almost always by the time you’ve reached the bar someone should be putting you into a cab to go back home.  We’re silly leprechauns though, we don’t want to do that. We want to order so many shots that they have to open a new bottle of Jameson, twice.. Irish car bombs are the equivalent to food, so why not order 10 for you and your new bar mates, you guys are hungry. About now, it’s probably 3pm and your posse has decided it’s time to make it rain at another bar. You close your $150 tab and act grateful that it wasnt more. Lather, rinse and repeat. That got a little personal didn’t it? You had a tiny glimpse into the old me.  I’m a rare breed, I know that. I know most normal people can celebrate this holiday without thinking they’re St. Patrick himself. I get that. In honor of those normal people I’m going to try to be one of you this year. This should be fun, being a responsible adult, well kind of. If you’d like to follow along with tomorrow’s adventure I will be tweeting all my activities, @SunnyD10121, and feel free to keep me in line.

Who doesnt dye a river green? And I thought I went overboard..

Sláinte

D

Grammar

You know what irks me, when people write about other blogs grammar irking them.  You have no idea. I want to reach through my computer and love tap them. Who are you to call out someone else on their grammar? Unless you’re a master linguist or teaching a writing class, it’s none of your damn business how someone else chooses to write. Maybe they’re not as educated as you, that doesn’t make their blog any less important.  So, you know what, YOU IRK ME! You people out there wasting whole posts on complaining about other bloggers writing. Don’t read the blog then, because the post probably wasn’t meant to reach you. It’s meant to reach the people who can look past the poor grammar and find a deeper message. It’s meant to help the blogger share what’s on his/her mind that day. IT IS NOT meant to be critiqued like this is high school English all over again. Last time I checked, which was this morning, this is a free country. People are free to choose how they write, when they write and where they write. In the future when find yourself “irked” with someone’s writing remember it’s not  meant for you to grade, approve, or judge. It’s there for the owner. It’s there to maybe help make someones day a little bit better, or maybe they’re sharing their beliefs, or possibly they’re just looking for a place to talk. It’s their creative outlet, not yours.  Next time you find yourself so inclined to judge, just move on past because I’m sure that blogger wouldn’t want you reading their post any ways.

Sorry, I had to get that all off my chest. No one has called me out on my poor grammar, so don’t think this has anything to do regarding me.  This is for anyone else out there who may never have excelled at writing. Write freely and openly. Don’t let the idea of people critiquing stop you from delivering your message.

 

Thank you for letting me vent, run on sentences and all 🙂

 

D