So Close

 This is a perfect analogy for how I feel about school right now…..

funny dog pictures - I Has A Hotdog: Goggie GIF: So Close...and Yet So Far

Almost little buddy, almost

D

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Progress Puppy – Day 136

“I will cut a bitch!”

Sorry I’ve been MIA. If you hadn’t noticed, then its fine, I haven’t been MIA. I just haven’t been as bloggly active as I like to be. I was too busy maxing out my cards, borrowing money from people, and doing everything in my power to get me back to square one. Come June 1st though, that’s all going to change! It’s time to play START BACK OVER! ::insert The Price is Right music:: You hear that self, I’m starting over! No more f@#%ing around. I feel like I’m having déjà vu. Been here before, said that before, time to get serious, again. When I look at my charts  and see I started with such great momentum, it’s a little discouraging. All you can do is get back on the horse that threw you.  For those of you who’ve never been on a horse, this is a figurative analogy, because there’s a fat f#%&ing chance I’d be getting back on a horse that threw me.

Despite my attempts, you can not write cursive using line charts.

Is this real life?

 

Since our spirits are already so high why not discuss May’s goals. This month I went 1 for 4. I’m going to go ahead and declare May a victory. Although, if this were any kind of class, that’s a 25%, which is absolutely failing.  Hey but it beats April’s goose egg. Tomorrow I will have June’s goals for y’all.  I’m going to rig it so I get at least a 50% because that’s passing in my book. I have teachers who would argue otherwise but they can bite me.

Chipper as always

D

Ventilation System

We’re just going to let me vent here and move on or otherwise I might lose my mind. As predicted I did not get my raise. 😦 Please see Boasting if you’re a newcomer.  I can’t act surprised because this is how this company is. They “say” they don’t have money or aren’t able to give anyone bonuses or raises but yet, we’re currently hiring 4 new people! My raise would be half, if not three-quarters,  of one of these new f@$*ing people’s salaries. It’s a joke. It’s a damn joke. Not as funny as me crying during an interview but still. We have picnics, BBQ’s, and parties. I totally get what they are trying to do but hear the cries of the little people upper management! No amount of hot dogs or burgers is going to make us happy. WE want MONEY! The real kicker here, I wasn’t even asking for a crazy large raise. I was asking for like 50 f@#&ing cents so that when my check comes I might have a little more wiggle room to head my cause but nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooo we can’t do that. We’re a business and want all our employees unhappy. Horseshit.

My company is the baby in this instance.

Just like most businesses, they are willing to take you for all your worth, but not reward you. They want, they want, they want, but yet they can’t meet half way to give back! Should I start a protest? I’ve always wanted to be in one of those. My picket would be the shit, glitter and all! Back to the point at hand, I think I’m going to start an uprising here and we’ll hog all the news coverage from NATO. Take that! They’ll think twice before not giving me a raise.

I like the direction this is headed.

 

Half of you probably aren’t surprised given what kind of employee I project myself as but I really should’ve gotten a raise. Good day. I said GOOD DAY!

D

Progress Puppy- Day 102

"I leave her for a couple of weeks and this is what happens. Dogshit!"

The wounds been opened, so rather than make you all wait till Monday to see the damage, I’ll give it to now. Plus, I hate Mondays already, and I don’t think adding depressing posts to the mix will help our relationship. This was an awful, awful, month.  April sucked if I can be so blunt. It just downright sucked.  Well April didn’t suck, I sucked. -_-.  April was decent. Weather could’ve been a little nicer in my opinion.

April has shown me that a single person has the power to build and destroy their future.  Fate sometimes plays a role, but for the most part April has shown me you are in charge. No one else spent my money for me. No one else controlled what I purchased or didn’t. I did. I am, completely, 100% at fault for this progress puppy being so bad.

April has also showed me I shouldn’t set goals for myself.  If anyone had their money on me not completing any of my goals then you’re the big winner!  If you have absolutely no idea what I’m referring to, you can see my dead goals here.  And that children, is why following isn’t always for the best. I followed and fell flat on my face. Maybe next month I should set more reasonable goals, like get out of bed in the morning. I feel like I could handle that one. 😉

Well here are the scary charts that reflect just how awful I’ve been. Thank goodness for car payments because I’m pretty sure it would’ve been a flat line without.

Avert your eyes

It's all fun and games until someone spends outside their means

April showers bring May…. Diane not spending any money. It has a nice ring to it.

D

FAIL

Massive failure of EPIC proportions, yes, it is that dramatic. I went batshit crazy this weekend! I don’t know what got into me. I mean like self-destructive mode at its finest. I have no excuse. I mean I could give you a million different reasons as to why I think I went all Donald Trump style but none of them will justify my actions.  It was as if the old me I had been suppressing came out and wanted a piece of the pie. I made a tiny purchase of a dress for an outing this Friday. This must’ve kick started the avalanche that stirred the old me awake. Yuck. I felt and still feel awful. As my wonderful, always accepting, no matter how deep in shit I am, boyfriend put it, “you feel guilty and that is 10 times more than the old you would’ve felt, and that’s progress.” She was a nasty bitch with no soul. I truly do feel horrible. It really sucked seeing my months of progress swiped away because I went all Rambo at the mall.  For those of you just turning in, I went to the mall on Saturday. I was bad, very, very, bad.

There’s a completely logical solution too, return the items. Anyone with half a brain would be able to understand that but I can’t or I won’t. Which ever it is, neither results in returning anything. This is how I know the old me is still lurking in the shadows. The new me, the one who wants the brighter future and to get this debt thing behind her, knows I should return everything. Not if the evil me has any say. She made sure to “try” half the items so they could not be returned and now they’re mine forever. The other half could still be returned but I just can’t bring myself to it. I know I should. I know I should. I know I should but I just can’t. It would be the ultimate kick in the ass but I already have my claws buried into these new items. My evil mind is telling me all sorts of awful things every time I try to think about returning them. I know they’re lies and its sad, pathetic, lame, every other loser synonym you can throw in there, but it’s me. I clearly am not as “fixed” as I thought I was.

If you ever find yourself in an ugly situation, like myself, here are some words of encouragement from my superhero boyfriend. He doesn’t take credit for them, he just takes credit for googling to find them. 😉

FAIL

First

Attempt

In

Learning

Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.

While nobody can go back and start a new beginning,  anyone can start today, and make a new ending.

You live, you learn, and you adapt. Become better next time. Two steps forward and the occasional step back is ok. Nobody is perfect.

Rome wasn’t built in a night. This isn’t my first time, and I can pretty much guarantee it won’t be my last, but I’ve got to rebuild. I may have taken 18 steps back but I have to start again, and that’s all you can ask for. We’re all human and make mistakes. I’ve admitted to mine and hope I remember this feeling the next time I want to act like Paris Hilton. Sort of like a bad hangover, you’re hoping that the memory of how shitty you felt will keep you from drinking so much next time. I still have yet to learn that lesson too but that’s another story for another day.

The sun is still shining.

D

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