Hold the Phone

The earth has stopped rotating. Toilets in Australia are flushing in the right direction. The world is probably going to fall out of the sky but I can’t say that with confidence. It’s Saturday and I’m blogging. Go on get down with your bad self.  Historically my little site doesn’t get much activity on the weekends. I consider it a good weekend if combined for Saturday and Sunday I have 5 views.  Small victories. This means that I never have to write anything of substance because no one will read it.  ::high fives self::

It’s the first day of the new yob and it’s everything I thought it would be and than some. It’s like my full time yob but even better. It requires me to “work” even less.  Awwwesomeee! I’m probably going to have to start a second blog to help the days go by. Those of you on facebook make sure you update your status every 10 minutes so I can have productive stalking sessions. Please and thank you.

Ciao

D

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There’s No Substitute for Hard Work

This is good news for the hard workers of the world and bad news for the people like me.  Have I ever mentioned before how lazy I am? I’ve always wanted to be one of those go getter, fire starters, seek and achieve type person but I’m not. I admire the people out there who are. How do you become a hard worker? I mean besides the obvious of working hard, or is that the answer? I have friends that are extremely hard working, why can’t they rub off on me? As I sit here and write this I’m seriously struggling to recall an instance in my life where I really wanted something and got it through hard work. ::cricket noises::   My lackadaisical attitude can be seen in every facet of my life, work, my relationships, and school, when I was going.  Right now there are two things I want so bad that they bring me to tears whenever I’ve had too much to drink and decide to tell my story to any listening ear.  I want to be out of debt, and move to Hawaii. I don’t think I’ve mentioned those before. 😉 I think I’m working hard to achieve them. Am I working hard enough? Maybe, but probably not, because you can always work harder. Excuses and procrastination are in my blood like drive and dedication is for the worker bees of  the world. I want some of what they’re having!  How do I get to become one of these hard workers? Is it too late? Does the old saying of not being able to teach an old dog new tricks apply here?  Who’s to say I’d even become a hard worker after I’d been “taught.”  I want the easy button to life, but then I don’t. It’s a vicious cycle. Wanting something yet not wanting to work for it, who does that? Oh wait, I know, lazy people.

10 points for using lackadaisical

D

P.S. I do work hard, sometimes, but to get any where in this life it seems you have to want to work hard all the time, which I dont.

Boasting

I got gutsy last week and asked for a raise. I wasn’t declined, but I wasn’t approved, either. I was sent on an almost impossible task, proving I’m worthy of a raise. Everyone who reads this blog should know I generally write during work hours, strike one. Everyone who knows me personally knows I tend to take off of work a lot, strike two. Now I’m in the batter’s box, staring down the pitcher, and it’s do or die. Well, okay, maybe it’s not that dramatic, but it is crunch time. I’ve been at this company for 2, almost 3 years, and I’ve only had one review. My one and only was after I had been here for 3 months. They were impressed then and excited about what I could offer in the future.  Well the future is here and I’ve never had another review, which is supposed to be done annually.  How do I express I’m worthy of raise without making it sound like I should be getting a raise for having to work? “Uh, well you guys make me work sometimes, so I’m totally over qualified, and I’m not being paid enough to use my brain this often.”

Here’s another problem, I work in an industry that does not have a strenuous work environment. There’s a steady work flow but it’s never overly demanding. Well now I can scratch off the argument of, “I’m so stressed you’re guys are making me go grey so pay me more to cover them up.”  The truth of the matter is I have an extremely easy job that most people would kill for. That’s not to say I’m not a hard worker or dedicated, but now I’m left with the assignment of praising myself for working, which seems ridiculous. If I were my boss, I would’ve laughed in my face, but I was crying so I probably wouldn’t have laughed in my face.  True story, I cried when asking for raise. Who does that? Anyways, in the meantime I stare at a blank document waiting for someone else to write all the ways I’ve expanded the roles of my position. How do I make myself sound important without sounding like every other person in America, “I’m overworked and underpaid damn it!” If only that were the truth I might have an easier time with this undertaking.

 

"Please, sir, I want some more."

 

If anyone I work with has found this post,, I was totally joking about all of the above, I don’t write this at work.

 

D

A moment in the life….

7:30        Log into computer, damn what’s my password again?

7:31        hmmm coffee

7:35        Log into Pandora, wtf  are you playing Pandora?!?

7:40        Read emails

                Answer emails

                Quick SOMEONE look I’m working!! I definitely deserve a
             raise

7:50        COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE

7:52        Scatter random papers on my desk to make it look like I’m
            extra busy today

            Make huffing sound like I’m soooo annoyed with having to
           work

8:00       Whelp, that was fun, now what? Time to surf the WWW

            Yahoo, catch up on what happened while I was sleeping, read
            a bazillion articles

            TMZ, look god I’m not famous I’d be on this shit hourly

            Bathroom Break

            Facebook, creep my peeps, holler! Do I have a clever status
            for today? Nope

            What up Pinterest! PIN EVERYTHING

            I should probably start working on my blog post,
            hmmmm what should we talk about today

            It has got to be at least 9:30 by now……..8:19!!!!

8:20        afkjd;ahiodvhyu; qwjbngtrj ::sound your keyboard makes
            when you hands come crashing down::

8:21        I’m never going to make it to lunch, wow im hungry

 I wish I could say this was written for giggles but it wasnt, this actually happens, everyday.  I’m sorry for there being nothing of value here or anything even remotely related to the topic at hand. Just in case you were thinking it, this has nothing to do with the fact that my mind was shooting blanks about a topic for today.  Also I wanted you to catch a glimpse inside my mind on the off-chance you thought I might be an evil genius. TA DAH!

Update: I just found this and its unbelievably perfect

Stay Classy?

D

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