May Day

Yes, I’m fully aware that it’s still April, but I thought I would get a jump-start on May’s goals. Given how last month went, I’m going to need all the time I can get. I went 0 for 4 last month, which is just stellar. I’m hoping to at least go 1 for 4 this month. Freeze frame air kick! If you don’t watch New Girl you won’t get that joke.  Any who, onto the goals.

$1500 – That’s the amount I would like to pay towards my debt, or be less in debt.  I’m sure there’s a better way I could’ve structured that sentence, but it’s Monday and honey badger doesn’t give a shit. I was very busy last week, not doing my job, so I was able to create a projected debt repayment plan. Let’s just say, if I never spent another dime, I will still be in debt by next February. -_- Kind of depressing, but I’ve got to keep my head on straight.

Yob, Yob, Yob – I need to get my ass out there and find me a second yob, y’all! There’s really no excuse. I want to apply for 2 jobs a week. I should really be applying to more but I’m aiming low, so when I say I applied for 3, I can really WOW you guys.  I also really need the additional income.

Work – I’m notorious for a lot of things at work, like I’m forgetful, usually hung over on Mondays, and I take off random days.  I’m sure, by now, most of you are wondering how the hell I still have a job. Don’t worry, I wonder too. Well, my May goal will be to not take off any days this month.  For most, this isn’t difficult, but for me, it’s only May and I’ve used just over half of my days. Fail.

Drink, Drank, Drunk – When I embarked on my vegan adventure, I also gave up drinking. Recently this has fallen to the wayside, but I would like to pick it back up. I also believe this will help with the above said goal. These tend to go hand in hand for me. I have two girlfriends birthday’s this month. I may try to act like an adult, but given how it went last time, I may just order water.

 

There you have it, my goals in all of their glory. Here’s to hoping I can complete at least one of them. I really want to put forth a much greater effort than I did last month because that was just pathetic.

Setting goals for yourself? What will your May goals be?

 

Not Hungover on a Monday

D

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Progress Puppy- Day 102

"I leave her for a couple of weeks and this is what happens. Dogshit!"

The wounds been opened, so rather than make you all wait till Monday to see the damage, I’ll give it to now. Plus, I hate Mondays already, and I don’t think adding depressing posts to the mix will help our relationship. This was an awful, awful, month.  April sucked if I can be so blunt. It just downright sucked.  Well April didn’t suck, I sucked. -_-.  April was decent. Weather could’ve been a little nicer in my opinion.

April has shown me that a single person has the power to build and destroy their future.  Fate sometimes plays a role, but for the most part April has shown me you are in charge. No one else spent my money for me. No one else controlled what I purchased or didn’t. I did. I am, completely, 100% at fault for this progress puppy being so bad.

April has also showed me I shouldn’t set goals for myself.  If anyone had their money on me not completing any of my goals then you’re the big winner!  If you have absolutely no idea what I’m referring to, you can see my dead goals here.  And that children, is why following isn’t always for the best. I followed and fell flat on my face. Maybe next month I should set more reasonable goals, like get out of bed in the morning. I feel like I could handle that one. 😉

Well here are the scary charts that reflect just how awful I’ve been. Thank goodness for car payments because I’m pretty sure it would’ve been a flat line without.

Avert your eyes

It's all fun and games until someone spends outside their means

April showers bring May…. Diane not spending any money. It has a nice ring to it.

D

Court is in Session

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today I will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that women have it harder than men. I’m not here to complain about equals rights. I’ll leave that to someone who knows what they’re talking about. No, today I am here to discuss pain. Particularly, the age-old battle of who has it worse, men being kicked in their jewels, or women receiving their monthly friend. This argument has waged over centuries and many a war has been started, slight exaggeration, but today I will put an end to this quarrel! Below you will find researched, creditable information, provided by professionals in their relative field of expertise. Well one professional, that happens to be me, Dr. Ichards.

Now we’ve all been children and we’ve all had males as friends and we’ve all thought at one point it might be funny to see how your male friend would react if you “kicked him in the nuts”. You only make that mistake once. Nothing transforms a fun, laid back, male faster than having his pride bumped.  As females, we sympathize and are apologetic for a long time, because we’ve never experienced something that could cause that much pain. Then we hit puberty, have our first period, and from that point on our sympathy card is gone. From then on its, “Get over it, have you ever had a period?”

Pain –Males, imagine the worst charlie horse you’ve ever had. Remember that feeling, good. Now place that feeling on the inside of your body. A place where you are unable to reach, to massage, to alleviate the pain. Now on top of that, put a little devil poking that charlie horse with his trident.  Yea, that’s right, welcome to a women’s period.

Duration – Men we get it, getting your pride nudged hurts like hell. Try to picture for a second that the pain you experience for a couple of minutes, dragged out for days. Welcome to cramps.

Above are probably the only two comparisons that may be somewhat equal. Based upon my knowledge and expertise I would say that women have already won but I’ll continue.

Emotions – Ah yes, last time I checked getting booted in the gonads doesn’t send you on a roller coaster of emotions. You might be angry for a little bit but it’s nothing compared to PMS. That magical word males love to throw around at exactly the wrong time. Here’s a fun experiment males, try telling you lady friend that she’s PMSing while she’s PMSing.

"Say that to me again and see what happens."

You’re happy one minute, you’re crying the next. The next you want to punch small kittens in the face. Maybe that’s a personal thing. Either way, I don’t think the jewels being shaken causes this much madness to a persons demeanor.

Boobs – Massive, well larger than before, sore, BOOBS. So sore you contemplate removing them. This could also be a personal thing. As far as I can recall I don’t think having your prized gems smacked around makes your arms swell and hurt.  The best part is because they are ripe they become all that more appealing to males. Want another fun test males? Try to touch them when they’re in this fragile state.

"Do you have a death wish?"

Hunger – I’m quite certain the last thing males want to do after having the pearls batted around is eat. Well thanks to hormones that’s all we want to do. Not normal food or average portions either.

“I want loaves of dark chocolate.”

“Well, honey they don’t offer loaves of chocolate, I can get you a bar.”

"Find me a f*%$ing loaf of dark chocolate!"

Acne– Men go through puberty, sprout hair in weird places, and develop a deeper voice. Some, may have a brief phase of a year or 2, where their skin is trying to figure out what the hell is happening. Awesome, congratulations men. Women, nope, we get to break out like we are 15 years old again, every month. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Based on this proof, I can safely draw the conclusion that men should never complain again when the family jewels get knocked around. Also, we already knew that men were babies, so it wasn’t even a fair fight. However, CASE CLOSED!

Why this rant, because I’m suffering here, and I needed to make sure it didn’t go unnoticed. Also, it could be because I wanted to be a raging b$*@%. Either way to all my male readers, I’m sorry I had to call you out, please don’t leave. Remember this is one girls opinion, feel free to reach out to other females who might have an ounce of sympathy for you.

BOOM

Dr. Ichards

P.S. Not ALL men are babies, just a large majority are. 😉

Did You Miss Me?

Since I wasn’t overloaded with new subscribers or comments, I’m going to assume no, but that’s fine because I missed all of you guys and gals! Awww doesn’t that make your heart melt?

Whelp, this little choo-choo derailed again this weekend. I’m sensing a pattern, booze = me thinking I’m a self-made millionaire. The song “Hey Big Spender” comes to mind, only its booze bottles singing to me, not a bunch of “ladies”.

I can’t get discouraged though or I should say I won’t get discouraged. This will be the second time this month I’ve completely gone balls to wall and forgot I was on a mission to reclaim my life. I could curl up into the fetal position and throw the white flag but I won’t. I need to look myself in the mirror and ask myself, “how bad do  you want this?”  I need to fight for what I want.  I got caught up in the moment and lost sight of the bigger picture but all I can do is start again. Below are some lyrics that I find can lend inspiration to any situation life has to offer. Courtesy of Martina McBride, In My Daughter’s Eyes.

“I realize what life is all about. It’s hanging on when your heart has had enough. It’s giving more when you feel like giving up.”

 

The little engine that could never gives up

D

Hey You!

Yea, I’m talking to you! You, who have found your way to my little place on the WWW by some form or another. Why don’t you take off your jacket and stay awhile! Click around. Read some things. We can get to know each other. Okay, well, you can get to know me.  While we’re getting acquainted if I happened to cause you to think once or laugh twice why not do me a favor and let me know I’m doing something right here. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone if I made you laugh. I’ve got these nifty little widgets on the side here ————> that allow you to follow me, which I think you should. Email subscriptions, Facebook, and even Twitter! I’m everywhere, well almost. I know there are a million different feed options out there but chances are you must have one of those three.

If anything you can follow me to serve as that person you keep around because they make you feel better about yourself. I don’t care how I’m in your life just let me into your life. Sometimes I say some profound things, or share some opinions, but mostly I’m here because I want to help.  I want to stop what happened to me from happening to you or someone you know. If I can help just one person out in this whole world I will be able to pat myself on the back.

For now, I’m just speaking to the few who have found me, and chose to stick around. Thank you to all of you. You’re the reason I write every day, well kind of, almost, every day. I slack off on the weekends. Simple acknowledgements that there are humans out there liking what I have to say is a great feeling. To my followers keep doing what you do and I’ll keep doing what I do, it’s a great relationship we have.

This is all of course counting on the fact that you like what you’re reading. If you don’t, carry on, and thanks for making my counter go up one number. 🙂

Like me damn it!

Keep on coming back for more

D

You Know What I Love…

Besides the obvious of family, friends, and the bf.

I love music.

I love color.

I love making others happy.

I love animals.

I love flowers.

I love being happy.

I love water.

I love nature.

I love food.

I love my bed.

I love stuffed animals.

I love pictures.

I love sunshine.

I love painting.

I love warmth.

I love trying new things.

I love laughing.

I love Fridays.

I love bathes.

I love reading.

I love that this isn’t a real post but I put it out there anyways.

D

Smelling the Roses

We’ve all heard the saying, “stop and smell the roses.” The meaning being, slow down and take the time to enjoy your surroundings. Generally this is applied to hard workers and since we’ve already established I’m not a hard worker, one might think this couldn’t apply to me. Correction, I’m a hard worker, just not THAT, hard of a worker. Make sense? Probably not, but we’re going to carrying on anyways. Seeing as I’m not an expert at working hard yet, I’m going to apply this quote to debt. Yay! If you spend your life living pay check to pay check, stressing about your bills, worrying about money, you’re going to miss life. Unfortunately, what I’m about to say is going to make me a hypocrite, but I need to say it.

Next time you find yourself about to use your credit card or buy something you cannot afford, STOP, and SMELL THE ROSES. In this instance it’s not about embracing the life around you but more so directed to what you are about to do. Really concentrate and take a moment to reflect on your actions. How is this going to affect your debt? How is this going to make you feel? Is this a necessity? Will this fix any of your current problems? How is this going to help you in the long run? If even one of your answers is no or has a negative response you should NOT being make that purchase. You do yourself no favors by lying or trying to justify the purchase either.

After you’ve walked away, try to focus on the positives. How much closer are you to paying off your debt now? How much more can apply to the bottom line? How are you feeling? I admit the feeling part is difficult, because when you’ve already tricked yourself into thinking you needed that particular item, walking away can be hard, but you’re a stronger person for doing so.

As a reward to ourselves for taking a step towards changing our lives were going to start a savings-on-a-whim box. All you need is some type of box, or even piggy bank, just make sure it something that you can glue, staple, tape, or weld shut. You can have zero access to the contents inside. Also, make sure it’s not clear.  When you arrive back home, put five or ten percent of what you were just about to spend in your savings-on-a-whim box.  It might sound silly, but seriously do this, money adds up over time. Especially when left untouched.  For anyone who is thinking, “Well, if I didn’t have the money to buy what I wanted, why would I have the money to put in a stupid box?” Here are some fast figures for you, 5% of $20 is a $1, and 10% of $50 is $5. You can see what I mean.  These figures aren’t going to cause you to go into further debt, but they will be a nice treat  for you when you get to open your box. Want to know when you get to open your box? Never! Just kidding, when you’re debt free! As long as you are dedicated and don’t cheat yourself you should have a pretty penny waiting for you at the finish line and all because you stopped to smell the roses.

Beautiful roses supplied by the BF ❤

 

One day at a time

D

When the Heart and Brain Collide

Oh you guys, my heart hurts. I had an opportunity last week to purchase a ticket to my home away from home, Maui. I was so close. Initially, it was happening, no second thought needed. Then I chose to think like a rational human being, something I wasnt familiar with. My entire body was screaming take this chance, well, almost my entire body. My brain wasn’t playing along. My heart wanted it so bad yet my brain prevailed. I walked away from purchasing the ticket, and cried. I saw for a brief moment, all my wishes coming true, but my brain took and squished the shit out of them. I mean, I know my brain was in the right. I’m still in debt. Financially, I am not, and will not, be in any position to go on vacation. It was an amazing deal, tickets were unbelievable low, but yet, it was still money I did not have. I get it, I’m just not fully accepting of it yet. This was the real first time I’ve told myself no, and it sucked. I’ve said no to a couple of things in the past but this was the first time having said no to something I really wanted. My boyfriend can vouch, I do not take kindly to being told no. I’m still clinging to the idea that Ill be able to get there one day and that’s all I can do for now.

Happiness is the longing for repetition.

-Milan Kundera

 

No Ka Oi

D

Mind, Soul, and Body

Well my mind is as good as gone, and my soul is questionable at best, so the least I could do for myself is make my body decent. Insert trumpet noises here, I have recently undertaken Bikram, or hot yoga.  Hot yoga is exactly as it sounds. HOT mofo YOGA.  It consists of 26 postures in a room that varies between 103 to 105 degrees. Now repeat that all hipster style like it ain’t no thang.  Depending on a bunch of contributing factors you could possibly burn between 500-1000 calories!

I’ve wanted to try hot yoga for the longest time but never have. First reason being I’m lazy and the second reason being I’m lazy. Its standard Diane protocol to say I want to do something and never act on it. Well I finally did! My two friends and I decided to undertake this adventure together, which is awesome, because if I was going to have the big one at least my friends would be with me.

This is/was single-handedly the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. Physically that is, because when you have a brain like me, mental challenges exist hourly. I started sweating the moment I walked into our death chamber, I mean studio.  Gaining a good position is sort of like the lawn chair game at the pool of hotels, you’ve got to get there early. First come first serve.

I only stared death in the eyes a few times which is better than I had originally anticipated.  We were told before class that if you ever began to feel overwhelmed, aka close to death, lay down and breathe before you consider running out of the room because your body will go further into shock from the drastic temperature change. Well it’s safe to say I spent most of my time lying down.  I picked up right at the end to make it try to look like I hadn’t just flopped around for the past 15 minutes.

One of the great things about yoga is its noncompetitive. It’s strictly there for you. It’s your hour of the day that you can forget about the worries and stress of the world around and just focus on you. That’s the cliff notes version of some of the words that are spoken in the beginning of each class. At first I thought it was kind of a crock, which is the wrong attitude, because if you actually welcome this mindset you’ll have a much better practice.

I don’t know if this is universal thing, seeing as this is the only time I’ve taken hot yoga, but at the end of each class this phenomenal thing happens. The teacher places a cold lavender and lemon, I think, scented washcloth on your forehead. This is optional but I can’t see why anyone would decline this except of course for allergies. I’ve never been dehydrated in the desert suffering from hallucinations before but if I was I would have to compare it to the one time when the mirage was real, the thrill and satisfaction that exists from actually having found water. It’s pretty damn miraculous.  That was probably a stretch but I don’t know how else to describe what this little washcloth does for you.

I will be going tonight for the 4th time, so I’m pretty much an expert. That’s sarcasm there folks. This is such a great alternative to working out, which I think I may have mentioned before about how much I despise working out.  You use your entire body in ways you never thought possible. You push yourself harder and further than you’ve ever done before. I promise you this. Consider it. If anyone decides to try this out let me know how you liked it and if you could come up with a better analogy to describe that washcloth.

Namaste

D

P.S. Since this is a debt blog I thought I should address the money factor because yoga can be expensive.  I received a free week, and will be receiving a 2nd week free after purchasing a mat, i.e. $25. I havent decided what I’m going to do after my 2nd week. :/

Short and Sweet

I have to keep todays post short and sweet, so here goes nothing.

Short and Sweet

 

Happy Friday the 13th :insert evil laugh:

 

D

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